Wow, it has been quite a while since I posted - 2 months tomorrow in fact. And such a lot has happened in this time. We lost another receptionist (she had an attitude problem, it was inevitable), we decided we don't need one. Then me, Jesse, Jade and Stretch went on holidays to QLD...and Jade & Stretch are now engaged.
This is what I want to comment on tonight. First of all, I congradulate them, this is such an exciting thing! But then I think about my own situation.
Jesse and I have been together 5 years now, as of 27-04-2009, and I could not be happier with the circumstances! He is the love of my life and every day that I spend with him I get to know and love him more. I know it sounds silly, but it's true. Though we have been together so long we're still learning things about each other and growing in our relationship together.
But then I am forced to think about marriage, and why I am not engaged yet. I want to be all immature and throw a tantrum and nag Jesse to propose to me, but I know that is definitely the wrong way to go about it. My first thought is, I'm head over heels for you, why won't you propose!! Then I think, "Oh my god, I'm only 19, what am I thinking about marriage for'...'but I'm so in love with him and know he's the One for me'...and it's all one big circle.
The fact that I've already ruined my proposal through my own stubborness and issues really hurts, but I knew that if he didn't tell me I doubt we would still be together. It feels weird typing that, but it's actually true. Whether it was because we broke up or something else, it's true. And I hate admitting that, but it's my own fault and I must now wait on Jesse's timing.
The thing is though, he had planned my dream proposal for me. He was going to propose to me at my 21st! It wasn't my 21st that I was dreaming of in particular, but just any birthday party. When he told me my heart literally skipped a beat and I felt so 'ohmygodheplannedmydreamproposalwithoutknowing' if that is such a thing to feel.
So now I must wait. But I can live with that...
maybe.
This has dragged on too long. Thanks for reading.
