I had a nightmare the other night, and it scared the hell out of me. I don't know what time of the morning it was when I woke up, but I just could not shake the fear. While the images of the nightmare haven't stayed with me, the feeling has. The feeling of complete and utter helplessness, knowing that I couldn't escape, not matter what I did. I would be caught. I tried to write it down, but without the images, the feeling cannot accurately be described.
It also got me thinking about things I fear...and how this felt different. It didn't feel irrational like my other fears seem looking back on them. Fear of the dark, for example. Whenever I am home at night I hate the darkness, and I feel as though something is out there lurking. And I literally run for the light and shut the darkness out.
But the thing about this nightmare I had was that the feeling did not leave me, and even later that morning while I was at work I felt terrified. Normally work is very good and effective for distracting my mind from such things, but this is something I'm struggling to shake.
So why do we have these seemingly irrational fears...and why do we have nightmares?
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Believing
I had this thought this morning: I can defend with knowledge what I do not have the faith to believe.
It is mainly relating to something I was reading on a friend's Facebook post about Jesus' views on sex. He is an athiest so natually I did not agree with the content of the article. Although I did not have the time nor the brain-awakedness to responde I knew I could, and yet, I know it's something that I don't necessarily believe.
For months I have been struggling with these things and have trying to work through things both on my own and with Jesse I guess nothing is really fitting in to place. But why would I want to defend something I didn't really believe in...it brings up two questions.
Do I still really believe in this? Why would I defend something I didn't believe in?
So I am quite confused. I have the knowledge of these things from growing up in the church for my whole life, and continue to go. What would you do in this situation? Where would you go from here?
It is mainly relating to something I was reading on a friend's Facebook post about Jesus' views on sex. He is an athiest so natually I did not agree with the content of the article. Although I did not have the time nor the brain-awakedness to responde I knew I could, and yet, I know it's something that I don't necessarily believe.
For months I have been struggling with these things and have trying to work through things both on my own and with Jesse I guess nothing is really fitting in to place. But why would I want to defend something I didn't really believe in...it brings up two questions.
Do I still really believe in this? Why would I defend something I didn't believe in?
So I am quite confused. I have the knowledge of these things from growing up in the church for my whole life, and continue to go. What would you do in this situation? Where would you go from here?
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