I realise that I haven't blogged in a while, but I had a few thoughts tonight...
Why is it that we choose to torture ourselves and submit ourselves to things that we know affect us in what would be described as the "wrong way"? This is the thought I am having tonight. I am sitting at home, listening to the Transformers 2 soundtrack and there is a common theme in the songs that I don't think is mentally healthy for me to listen to at this time...and yet I continue to do so.
OK, so on the weekend I had a friend's engagement party, which was hard enough for me to get through. Not that I wasn't incredibly happy for them, I am. But the fact that they are younger and have been together less time is frustrating to me. I know that I really want to get married - I am with the love of my life. But I know that I have issues that I need to sort out before we do. And I suppose this ties in to what I am listening to tonight.
The theme of the songs from the Transformer's 2 soundtrack are based around lost love. And for some reason, as I sit at home alone listening to this, I begin to feel incredibly lonely and it eats away at the back of my mind. And so I think to myself 'why do I continue to listen to this?'
But would I be the only one who has even done this? Some girls would feel detached from their partners and yet continue to watch romantic movies. Boys would lose their licences and yet continue to want after cars. And so I feel lonely and listen to music which only fuels this feeling.
What makes us subjects ourselves to this kind of mental torture? Why do we insist on continuing habits we know are unhealthy for ourselves? I don't know the answer.
hmm... i was slightly wondering if that was what you were thinking/feeling at the engagement party Sunday night.. jealosy can get the better of us sometimes even when we dont want it to.
ReplyDeleteAnd Amy its not just you - the mental torture - it seems to be a problem for me too. I know you may have found sunday night a bit hard. but Mayb you can think of it this way - You have a great boyfriend, someone you love and will probably marry one day, but what about other people? other single people (e.g me) that see the happiness that S&J have, that C&S have, that you and Jesse have. It is harder for us, especially if there is someone we currently care a lot about but they have so far not responded with the same feelings. Hence there is some sadness when I see other ppl so happy in love, cause it reminds me of a person that means a lot to me! but then i get sad cause we are not in a relationship...
So don't get too upset Amy - you have more blessings than you might think you have!